so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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