my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
