if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
