Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
