Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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