i need an iv and a liver transplant
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
