Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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