just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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