i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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