He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
