oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
