wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
