I wish I could punch you in the face.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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