Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
