it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
