I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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