I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
false alarm, still single
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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