The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
