Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
vagina is talking i cant
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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