were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize