Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
