if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
