The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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