So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
