for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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