I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
