There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize