Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
