I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
