3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
pray to the hookup gods
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
