The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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