i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
