Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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