I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize