How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
