please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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