Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
