I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
