yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
