"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
