Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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