Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
