He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
