craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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