im drinking this country out of the recession.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
bring money and cleavage
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize