I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
