I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
