operation have a gay friend backfired
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
