Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
