hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
