We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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