Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
