community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
