yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
