one might say we're banned from that church
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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