is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
