As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
