omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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