i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize