Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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