If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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