your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
