Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
